Changes
by MacCullen
Summary: Bella leaves her husband James. She's just trying to survive in the world and get on her feet. Will Edward convince Bella to live instead of just survive?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Music for this chapter:

Bring Me to Life, Evanescence  
Face Down, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

BELLA CHAPTER ONE

I'm convinced the world is out to get me. I feel like I've been sleeping for years. Who am I and how did I get myself into this mess? Why is my life so shitty?

My name is Bella Swan. No, Bella isn't short for anything, my mother just liked the name Bella. She said she didn't want to give me the name Isabella just to call me Bella. And Swan is my maiden name. I never changed it because I was too lazy. I'm 5'5 with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. My skin is pale and I have the nerve to live in Jacksonville, Florida. This is not the place to be pale as a ghost, the sun has no mercy.

I have lived in Jacksonville since I was 4. I'm married to the biggest asshole ever. James Hall. He's a tall skinny blonde guy with hazel eyes. Sometimes I swear his eyes have glimpses of red. I know it's not really possible, but I'm sure the devil himself created James. I fell for him in high school and we've been together since. He was that bad boy that every good girl wanted. I was the good girl that took all honors classes and didn't have a social life. It really wasn't because I didn't WANT a social life, but my Dad was a bit overprotective.

Okay, that is an understatement. My Dad, Charlie, is a cop. He does not trust boys. He told me that as long as I lived under his roof, there would be no dating. Now, I know a lot of dads say that, but my father meant it. Absolutely NO DATING. Forget school dances, football games, sleepovers…it was not going down. He would not fall for it.

Guys were scared to ask me out. Everyone knew I was the daughter of a cop. And then in my Senior year, James had the nerve to wink at me. Now, I had several crushes in high school, but I knew I intimidated the men and so I never really flirted with anyone. James though, he was not scared to approach me. He taught me all about skipping school the "right" way and sneaking out. I fell hard for James and eventually my Dad found out about him.

I was young and dumb and I put James above my Dad. As soon as I turned 18, I married James. Probably the biggest mistake of my life. Life before marriage was good. We went to parties, we hung out, we never fought. This being married shit is for the birds. All we do is argue. I can't work because James is old fashioned. I can't leave him because I have no job. It's a fucking vicious circle. I can't just run home to Daddy. I'm an adult. Besides that, I haven't apologized to him yet.

It wasn't this way in the beginning. I think that is what people don't understand. He was such a bad ass in school, but he was the sweetest guy to me until we got married. He was very in tune with his emotions, always told me how much he loved me. He bought me things, of course the money he made was illegal money but still, it's the thought that counts, right?

I used to have friends. Angela Weber, Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory. They never cared for James but they did agree that he was hot. They warned me to stay away from him, he was a drug dealer in high school. No, he doesn't sell drugs now. He's a telemarketer. I don't know how we make it on one income. I always tell him that things would be easier if I could work, I could help pay bills. He says that a woman's place is in the house and it would embarrass him if I had to work. He thinks he should be able to pull in enough income to support us both.

I clean the house inside and out every single flippin' day. And do you know that every day he has something to complain about! "Bella, why didn't you take the trash out?" or "Bella, how did you miss this?" It never ends. We never talk anymore. He never says I love you anymore. We just exist.

He's an asshole.

I hate him, but I fake the funk because what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? My Mother lives in Arizona, or at least, I think she does. I really wouldn't know. She just decided that she wasn't a great mother when I was 4 and left with some random dude that played baseball. Angela, Jessica and Lauren were all smart enough to go to college. I could have went. I was offered a scholarship. But I ran off to get married. Fuck My Life.

"Bella!" someone yells. Ah crap. It's him. Time to fake it til I make it.

"Hi, baby! How was your day?" I ask, clearly I make a great actress because honestly, I don't give a shit how his day was. I really didn't even want him to come home today.

"Why isn't dinner ready, Bella? I'm hungry."

"Dinner will be ready in about 5 minutes, I didn't know you'd be home early" I should be used to his fucking complaining by now but I want to slap the shit out of him.

"Well, I guess I don't have time to eat then, since you didn't listen this morning when I said I'd be home early! God, Bella, you really are one stupid bitch."

"When did you say this?" I am losing it. Crap. Must start listening better. I don't recall him every saying he'd be home early.

"When I left for work!".

Oh, I'm not losing it. This man is forever trying to talk to me in the morning. What the hell? I don't have the need to wake up at 6am and I have never been a morning person. Did you notice I didn't flinch at the phrase stupid bitch? Yeah, totally not the first time I've heard that insult. It used to upset me, but now it doesn't phase me.

"I'm sorry, James." I offer hoping it will be enough. But it's not. He goes into his mood. Pissy attitude, slamming the door a little too loud and completely ignoring me. I can take the yelling but I can not take the silence.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi, I failed to put an AN in the first chapter. Stephanie Meyers is the bomb diggity and the characters were her idea. This story was written by little ole me, but SM gave me the inspiration.**

Bella Chapter two

James stormed out the house around 7pm last night. It's 3am. No call, no text, nothing. Though I do think he is an asshole, I worry about him. I love the old him. I worry that he's been in an accident or he got a DUI. I'm sure he's just fucking around on me. In a way this breaks my heart, that he could be out there fucking other girls. But at the same time, it kind of gives me more reason to hate him and turn him down for sex more often.

Did I mention how much I hate to be ignored? I give in. I send him a text asking if he'll be home soon. He doesn't respond. I send another. Nothing. I call his phone. Nothing. I call his phone again, it goes straight to voicemail. He turned it off.

10am, he walks in the door. He's still ignoring me. I beg for him to talk to me, but he just ignores me. In the past, I would have let him cool down. I would have gave him his space. But, today, I lose it. I yell at him to talk to me. I ask him where he's been. I accuse him of cheating on me. I tell him I'm going to leave.

His response? "By all means, go. Just go. Having you here is just another mouth to feed, you don't pay bills and you never want to have sex with me. Not like you have anywhere to go. You don't have any money because you aren't taking mine. You won't be able to pay rent. You are 21 and have never held a job. Good luck with your life."

We've actually been through this before. I've mentioned leaving before. I've never left though. I can't. I have no money to my name. I don't even hold a bank card. James says if I need something, he'll buy it for me.

Today feels different. I want more out of life. I decide that I'm really going to leave this time. I wouldn't dare try to leave in front of his face. I've tried that, too. He physically blocks me from going anywhere. He apologizes and blames the job stresses him out. He's never hit me, but he can be scary, still.

After he leaves for work, I pack my bags and pray that he doesn't return early and catch me in the act. The only thing I pack are some of my clothes and toiletries. James is right. I have no where to go unless I want to go crawling back to my Dad and beg him to forgive me. I haven't talked to him since that night I left.

After picking up some loose change that James left on the dresser, I start walking to the bus stop, again, hoping James or any of his friends do not see me. I make it to the bus but I have no idea where I'm going. I decide to go downtown Jacksonville. The bus stop is always full of people, a lot of homeless people hang around here because the shelter isn't far away. I decide to stay at a shelter for the night if I can. I get to the Sulzbacher Center, which is the name of the shelter and I'm told that I will have to wait until 4pm by the beautiful blonde at the desk.

She's intimidating and looks really cold hearted. She could be a model. Her name tag says Rosalie McCarty. I frown. There is no problem coming back at 4pm, but I'm tired and I want to rest and I don't want to walk around. When I look up, I think I see some compassion in her eyes. She then starts to ask me questions about if I could stay with family or a friend instead of a shelter. She tells me it would be so much better than staying here. She asks me why I'm there. I tell her about my husband. She senses my desperation.

"There is a shelter for battered women, it's not far from here. It's called the Hubbard House—"

"—But I'm not a battered woman. My spouse never hit me." I try to tell her.

I see her eyes go soft, I see compassion. This is not the cold hearted woman I saw when I entered this room. It's almost as if she's pitying me.

"Bella, there are many kinds of abuse. Tell me, were you scared of him?"

"Yes" I respond, "But maybe I shouldn't have been. Maybe I was silly."

"Was he controlling?"

"Well, he wouldn't allow me to work. And I didn't have a bank card. But I don't think that qualifies as abuse".

"Bella, that is a form of control. He wouldn't ALLOW you to work. You are a grown woman, you can make your own decisions. Not only that but he wouldn't allow access to the funds. I can understand not wanting a woman to have to work, but then you can't tell her not to spend money, too! What about groceries and clothes, who bought them?"

"He paid for everything. Sometimes he'd take me grocery shopping. I haven't really needed new clothes since high school. My old clothes still fit."

"What? Did you ever express wanting any new clothes? Did you ever give him a reason not to trust you with money?" She seems really irritated by now. Modern women. Sheesh.

"I never felt comfortable asking for clothes and he never mentioned it. I never had a chance with handling the money."

"Bella, you can't even see how controlling he was. But he WAS controlling you. I'm going to call my friend Alice at the Hubbard House and see if there is any room there. If so, I'll walk you over, it's not far. It's much nicer and they have a lot of resources to help you get out there and on your feet. You look really young, how old are you?"

"21" I'm feeling really uncomfortable by now. Would I even qualify for any of these sources?

After Rosalie calls her friend Alice and we confirm there is enough space at the Hubbard House, we start walking downtown and I notice that even though this area isn't the best neighborhood, I still feel a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in a long time. It's so weird to feel this way. I'm homeless now and happy? We come up to a building with a security gate and a camera and I'm buzzed in. I feel hope.

**You will notice that I do not just listen to one type of music, though I do listen to mostly mainstream music.**

**Song for the chapter: Goodbye Earl, The Dixie Chicks**


	3. Chapter 3

Bella Chapter three.

"Normally, married spouses with no children can only stay a week" says the chipper little pixie who has the job of checking me in to the women's shelter, she then lowers her voice "but, I will tell you that as long as you don't cause trouble, you can stay longer as long as you are making effort to get on your feet. We just can't keep the ones who have no willpower to try to get back out into the real world. You can't stay here forever. This is temporary. "

I nod at the pixie, whose name is Alice. The pixie seems nice. She'll be my caseworker while I'm here.

"Okay, Alice, Bella, I have to go back to work, Bella good luck on your journey, please don't ever go back." Rosalie turns and walks back out the door.

"We have rules. They are put in place to keep order around here. It's sad that some grown women do not know how to behave and act as an adult. You seem like you'll be fine. You must keep your room cleaned at all times. You will share a room with one other female with no children. You must attend the mandatory meetings. They are posted on the bulletin board, check daily. You must look for work. And we have a curfew of 10pm, you must be back inside the gates before 10pm ALWAYS." The pixie is babbling about the rules at an insane speed.

I frown. What if I can't find work and I can't stay at the shelter? What will I do?

The chipper voice interrupts my thoughts of doubt "Don't worry. There are plenty of resources here. We'll help you."

"I've never had a job." I tell her.

"Well, don't worry. We're here to help you and you look like a smart young woman. Your roommate will be Esme and I think you'll be happy to have her as your roommate."

I walk into my new room. It's empty. My roommate isn't there, but I can tell which bed is taken. The bed is made very neatly and is personalized with cute red pillows. The beds are twin sized and I have a dresser to put my stuff in. I'm glad I didn't bring much, there isn't much room here, but it'll work. Anything is better than being yelled at or ignored all the time.

The door opens and a woman with dark brown hair and olive skin walks in. She looks like a 1950s housewife, in a stylish modern way. She is probably in her late 30s but she has beautiful flawless skin. She instantly smiles at my presence.

"You must be Bella! Alice told me I had a roommate. It's nice to meet you, I'm Esme."

We do our introductions. She tells me that a lot of women run back to their husbands and boyfriends. She says she won't be going back to hers. I ask her a ton of questions. She seems so understanding. I want to cry because she understands me. Instantly, I feel I have a friend in her, at least for the moment. She teaches me the ropes. I settle in just fine.

As night falls that first night, I wonder if I've made the right decision. I hear Esme whisper "Good Night, Bella. You'll be safe here." She probably thinks I'm sleeping.

The next morning, I go to one of those mandatory meetings. It's group therapy, where people share their experiences and feelings. Hearing these stories of what women go through, I instantly feel out of place. They were assaulted and used. I just didn't have a backbone.

Esme shares her story. She had been married to a man who beat her on multiple occasions. She said at first, she was told she had to stay home and take care of the house. She didn't need a job. Everything started out great. Then, he would come home and complain about the house or little things or pick apart her words. And then, one day, he hit her. But she didn't leave, she stayed for several years. And then she got pregnant and she knew she'd never leave. Until he beat her so bad that she miscarried. She left the next day and hasn't turned back.

The beginning of her relationship sounds just like mine and I start to wonder what would have happened if I stayed longer. Would It had ever got to that level?

And then I feel eyes on me. Damn it. I'm always so lost in my thoughts, I tend to shut people out sometimes. Oh, they think I'm going to share my story.

"Hi. I'm Bella. I don't feel as though my story compares to any of yours."

Alice, who is in charge at the moment, says "Bella, no two stories are the same. And you may not realize this, but words hurt just as much as physical violence sometimes. And the scars can last forever."

That's all she says. We move on to the next person, a girl named Bree and I am instantly relieved to have the spotlight off me.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella chapter 4

After the meeting, Esme offers to take me looking for jobs. She has a job already, she's a waitress at one of the nearby restaurants, called The Blue Fish restaurant. She says I should apply there and I agree. We stop at a few places along the way, so that I can put in applications, just in case I don't get the job where she works.

She put in a good word for me at The Blue Fish. The manager, Mike, takes Esme's word and offers me a job on the spot. Of course, this Mike dude seems to be staring at my tits the whole time. Whatever, I need a job and I'm not interested in dating. I'm not even divorced yet. Even if I was ready to date, this Mike guy looks way too immature and totally not my type. Now that I think of it, I'm not sure what my type is. I know I don't want another "bad boy".

I can start training tomorrow and Esme promises to help train me. I have really become fond of Esme. She's almost old enough to be my mother, but she's young in spirit and in looks. She tells me that most people tip well here, so I should be able to get on my feet soon enough.

I'm a bit nervous because I've never worked and I'm pretty clumsy. Now I have to carry people's hot food and I really hope I do not spill food all over people. Esme assures me I'll do fine and reminds me that she had never had a job before either and she was twice my age, almost. I ease up a bit after she reminds me.

I go through the first few days of training, learning the menu items and following Esme around. I'm used to the shelter life now and honestly, it's way better than living with that asshole. I enjoy making my own money. I don't worry about James finding me at the shelter, because the shelter location is supposed to be a secret, there's no sign saying anything about it being a shelter at all. That's another rule in the shelter, tell NO ONE the location of the shelter. If you do, you are automatically kicked out.

I don't worry about James showing up at this restaurant, either. It's not his style. He prefers places like McDonalds and KFC. But, I do worry. I worry that I can't hide from him forever and I wonder what he'll say when he sees me again. Jacksonville Is huge, but if you live here long enough, you build connections and I'm sure one of his friends will see me and tip him off one day.

My week at the shelter is up today and I have to meet with Alice for a review. Esme told me that she was approved again for another week and hopes that I am, too. She says she's saving up for an apartment and if I want, we could be roommates. I agree with her on that. It would be way cheaper to have a roommate than my own place.

I sit down at the conference table with Alice. She's reading my folder.

She breaks the silence, "So, Bella, how is it going? I know you are working with Esme, she's said some good things about you. I knew she'd be a good roommate for you."

"Uh, yes. I am doing good and I'm enjoying my first job."

"That's great. Well, I haven't had any complaints about you. You and Esme have the cleanest rooms in the shelter and we hardly know you guys are here. I'm approving you for another week, if you need it" she chirps.

And relief. Whew. I thank her and leave to find Esme. We head off to work.

"So, Bella, the shelter is paying first month's rent and deposit, we should start looking at apartments soon" Esme looks really excited as she talks. "I can not wait to be able to decorate, we should find a place that allows us to paint!"

I nod mostly during the conversation. I serve tables with ease now. The Blue Star Fish is not a 5 star restaurant but it's a local favorite and has a banquet hall, so the tips are pretty good.

It's been three weeks and my life is starting to seem normal. I am enjoying the single life. There are ladies at the shelter who are already dating again. I'm just not ready for that. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to commit again.

I miss my Dad and I want to talk to him. I don't want to move back home, but I want to apologize. However, my pride stands in my way.

Esme and I go to look at rentals. We decide to look on craigslist in hopes to find a landlord that will allow painting. We find a 2 bedroom duplex for $600 a month in Arlington, which is just over the bridge from downtown. The bus ride is about 10 minutes and there's about a 10 minute walk to the bus stop. The duplex is less than a mile to the St John's River. It's old and outdated, but the owners only own that one duplex and tell us we can paint as we please! I know it was Esme's idea to paint, but I can't deny feeling a bit excited!

I think if you had to put a theme label on our decorations, it would be earthy. My room is painted in a sage color with dark browns and light grey accents. Esme's room is between a blue and a grey color with brown and blue accents. Our beds were donated to us by the shelter's thrift store. Alice and Rose made sure that we had beds to sleep on. They even arranged for the delivery.

While the shelter did pay the first month's rent and deposit, we still have a lot to buy for the house.  
We decided on buying just one couch, since our house is pretty small and it's just the two of us. We buy a nice red couch, somehow I just knew that when Esme laid eyes on that red couch, she would buy it. It matched her pillows on her bed at the shelter. She says red is earthy, too. She's a good decorator and I trust her with it. We buy the kitchen essentials, but nothing fancy like a blender or a mixer yet. Those things can wait. Frying pans, baking pans and pots can not wait. Eating out is expensive and we both bring home only about $400 a week. I plan on buying something to drive soon.

I feel my confidence coming back. I know that I can do this. I walk down to the river and sit on the pier with my feet in the water. I watch the boats pass by and think of my father. He always went fishing on the weekends at this same river, just a different side of town. I sit and wonder if he misses me at all.


End file.
